Compromise

Whatever our individual response to conflict, we all have our reasons. Depending on our level of stubborness, giving in or moving toward the middle ground may seem unlikely, undesirable, and where a just-aint-happenin' attitude resides. Not necessarily a bad thing always for sure. Some of us are more insistent while others tend toward giving in more easily. But, when we are in safe relationships that are sincerely loving and giving, we tend to change. Stubborn ones get softer and push-overs get tougher, and loving compromise does us both good.


Such was the case with the red glasses fiasco. I did compromise this time, feeling that I would gain far more in terms of closeness in my marriage than I would gain by wearing those funky glasses. Plus, were the red frames really the only ones that could make me feel so great? I found a pair that I knew my DH would find more appealing, and was excited to go home and show him. Mind you, he didn't twist my arm to exchange the frames, nor did he even know exchanging them was possible or that I was considering it. I came to this point of rolling to the middle of my own free will.

When I arrived home, my DH was involved in an act of compromise all his own. Having been married less than a year and each of us owning a whole houseful of stuff, we've been buying and selling furnishings that not only fit better for two people but that also fit into our tiny 610 sq ft living space. Honestly, there isn't much left in our place that either of us owned prior to marriage. Lon brought a bookshelf, though, that just doesn't seem to fit anywhere despite many re-arranges, but that he has been adament about hanging onto. To me, it seems to mess up the zen of the room, taking up valuable floor space, etc. Much like the glasses, this bookshelf has been the topic of many a discussion as to it's rightful place in our new life together.

When I walked in the door with my new non-red frames, he was busy packing books into storage bins to prepare to move this shelf. I was amazed! At the same time I made my own private decision to exchange the red frames, Lon made his own choice to give this bookshelf to a needy family without my knowledge or prompting! Nothing short really of love at work in our relationship, and the beauty that results when nobody has to necessarily "win".


That's our happy ending to the red glasses fiasco. And the anti-zen bookshelf drama. Insisting on our own way may have resulted in the same changes but I can nearly guarantee you that while wearing my new tortoise shell frames on the outside, I'd still be wearing my fun red ones on the inside.


I invite your thoughts and comments.