I’ve been studying messy relationships lately and the whole idea of how we grow in these uncomfortable situations, what they reveal about us, and why relationships of any kind are so important to God. And, I got a real life picture this past weekend of my own messy heart.
Granted, the relationship I’m about to describe can in no way be described as messy. It is a wonderful thing, HE is a wonderful man, and I love him. But there are a few things I want to say that will show my own messy struggles. I’ve been dating this man for almost two years; and I have to admit that there are times when I feel selfish in this relationship. He is the best person for me; he is kind, gentle, sensitive, fun, he adores me, and so much more. When he talks to me about the important things and people in his life, I am usually all ears and willing to listen. But, sometimes when he really gets going, I find myself annoyed with this, wondering when the focus is going to turn to me….I should said back to me.
I don’t like admitting this. I’ve always pictured myself as the adaptable, giving party and glad to hear about what all is going on in other people’s lives. But, being in this intimate relationship with this man is revealing that I can be selfish. I sometimes am selfish. I sometimes am self centered and want him to know just the right amount of attention I want and need at precisely the right moment. If he gets any part of that wrong, I can (and do)….pout. Geesh, I don’t like that about myself. Where is the grace? Where is the other-focus that I see in the way Jesus lived?
So, how do I deal with this? A good friend of mine shared with me three very powerful words she has learned that describe what to do with our sin…the three words are Cry out, Confess, and Consent. If I am not aware of my selfishness I won’t be inclined to cry out about it, so I am grateful for seeing the truth this past weekend even though it was sobering and surprising. I am also grateful that God is faithful to keep me walking in the truth, and that He really is delivering me from self-righteous behavior and attitudes.
I think it’s possible that this is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I can be grateful also that I am joined by many others who are “in process”, learning what it means to walk as Jesus walked.
May 7, 2007
May 6, 2007
A Writer Writes
This is my very first post on my blog, and I feel this incredible pressure to make it really good, to say something profound or catchy. In reality, creating this blog is a baby step toward the development of a book that's been rumbling around in my head for lots of years. It's also a way of extending my transparent lifestyle a little farther, giving anyone who cares access to my thoughts and ideas. "Formal" in-depth thoughts will be reserved for the book, thus the name "Cheryl's Casual Contemplations." I'd love to engage anyone interested in stimulating discussion, so if you see anything on here that you think would make interesting fodder, I hope you will let me know. The name of this first post, A Writer Writes, was placed as a marque on my screen saver to remind me to do what I am...write. So, here I am....writing.
I have spent a little time reading Greg Boyd's blog. An ex-atheist, Greg is now the senior pastor of the church I attend. He is, in my opinion, an intellectual (and spiritual) giant, yet he believes he is having trouble getting the whole blog thing...recording random thoughts more than presenting intellectual arguments. I figure if someone as smart as he can admit to learning all about blogging, so can I.
I recently worked a trade show out in Vegas for my company. It ran for three days, and the last day was incredibly slow. As us exhibitors got to talking, we all agreed that whether a show has two or three days, one of those days has to be the last and the last is always, what shall I say, less than interesting. And, THAT is my disclaimer for the interest level of this post. Even though it's my first post, I assure you that its introductory nature has to happen. Okay....it's a stretch. What can I say.
Hmmmmm, perhaps there is something to be learned here as I set out to write a book...does the introduction HAVE to be obviously introductory?
I have spent a little time reading Greg Boyd's blog. An ex-atheist, Greg is now the senior pastor of the church I attend. He is, in my opinion, an intellectual (and spiritual) giant, yet he believes he is having trouble getting the whole blog thing...recording random thoughts more than presenting intellectual arguments. I figure if someone as smart as he can admit to learning all about blogging, so can I.
I recently worked a trade show out in Vegas for my company. It ran for three days, and the last day was incredibly slow. As us exhibitors got to talking, we all agreed that whether a show has two or three days, one of those days has to be the last and the last is always, what shall I say, less than interesting. And, THAT is my disclaimer for the interest level of this post. Even though it's my first post, I assure you that its introductory nature has to happen. Okay....it's a stretch. What can I say.
Hmmmmm, perhaps there is something to be learned here as I set out to write a book...does the introduction HAVE to be obviously introductory?
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